Looking up!

Today was my first nicotine free day!  No patches!

It really does feel fantastic to not be smoking, so much more space in my head for actual thoughts instead of cravings!  I'm not having much trouble getting back into excerising either, at least when it comes to cardio..  The aches and pains in my muscles are another matter!

Yes, that's right, I'm exercising again!

Still no caffeine, except the odd mouthful of coke or Pepsi, which is never as nice as you think it's going to be!  I'm still having two or three Caros each day, even though it's getting ripper hot!

I've made a concerted effort to stick to actual food, at meal times, in reasonable portion sizes which is already having an effect on the scales.  I am finally under 55kg - I've been dancing around above it for a couple of weeks now.

I've also got over the 'hump' in my uni work, with a result finally coming through!  I'm so stocked!  Being super busy makes reducing calories a lot easier as well!  Over 12000 steps from work!  So I'm ditching the gym tonight!

I don't want to wear myself out!

Composting

 

 

So before I start producing my own food, I need good soil.  The best way to get good soil, add compost!

 

I'd love to try hot composting but I don't have enough space, so I've gone with the usual compost bin.  

At $40, it's cheap and easy!  By the time I get usable compost, I'll probably have my block of land, but at least it will be well practised in the art of composting...

 

And be building some muscle trying to turn it!

 

I've also got out my old Bokashi bucket and bought a huge bag of Bokashi to keep it going.  I'm thinking I can get two to rotate so I can leave each one for a couple of weeks to degrade before throwing it into the big compost bin!

I've been surprised with just how much vegetable waste we have - mostly throwing out leftovers, but also stuff that never got used.  At least now it can get back into our little ecosystem!

In the meantime, I really need to pick up some more sugar cane mulch to curb that weed growth!

It's working!

I fell asleep watching tv last night.. At about 11pm.  

That NEVER happens!

No caffeine is working for me!

Start small

Start with a seed, provide it with soil, light, and water, and watch it grow!

I am still alcohol and caffeine free!  I've had a few touch and go moments with the boys having Pepsi in the house, but a little cordial curbed the 'craving'.  My sleeping is getting much better as a result, still not quite regular, but better.  Not as many late nights and I'm waking up earlier some mornings!

I attempted an iPad free day - made it until lunch time!  

It takes time for habits to take root, and I would rather permanent change and that is what I am seeing.  When I attempt to change everything at once it is inevitable that it will fail.

I've spent a bit of time on my budget and I think adapting the same approach will work there as well.  I few small changes over time will add up.  It's all moving in the right direction!

My little garden is growing!  My corn seedlings sprouted so quickly I will need to sort out somewhere for them to be planted in the garden this weekend! It won't be long until we get to eat our first non-herb produce!

I'm thinking I might try out the Bokashi bucket again while think about larger composting options. Until then I need to think about other ways to get soil and compost for gardening!

So many thoughts and ideas running though my head.  I'm excited!

Simplicity

Everything seems to be complicated, even simplicity.

I've been looking into a minimalist lifestyle, and a bit at homesteading as well.

The couple of 'how to get started' type books that I've read have been so focused on the end result, one even suggested the first thing to do was to buy a block of land!

Way to jump in the deep end!

By taking things slowly and changing things in small steps, taking the time to build habits, and to really look at what works and what doesn't, permanent lasting change is possible.  And the best part, is you get where you want to be. 

I have learnt that where we 'think' we want to be, might not actually be what we want.  Jumping in with a 100% effort, head down, ignoring your own body and mind in a quest to get something you 'want' not only doesn't work for a lot of people (who then beat themselves up about it) but can also lead you down the wrong path, and lead to the wrong place.

I know I want something different.  I know that where I want to be entails having the time to provide healthy, unprocessed food.  I know that I want to be close to family and support.  I know I want to have less 'stuff'.  I want my kids to spend less time in front of a screen, to love and appreciate life.

A homesteading lifestyle and minimalist lifestyle both appeal to me, but I can't jump in and buy a block of land and just 'start'.  There are skills I need to learn, things I need to finish, and personal work I need to do.  I pretty much have a bit over half a year to finish my Phd, and then I have to wait the school year out.  And who knows, I might hate it when it comes to actually doing it.

So start small I shall!

Along with all the small changes I am already making, I will start introducing some habits for myself, and for my children and husband, that will move us toward that lifestyle!

What's next?

I quit caffeine!

I am now alcohol and caffeine free!

I substituted Caro in place of morning coffee and have not really noticed the difference in alertness in the morning.

I have noticed that I'm not fidgety or feeling 'crawly' during the day.

My sleep is better, too.

Interestingly, I am still having several Caro drinks during the day.  I am thinking that maybe I am using it as a food substitute!  A quick hit of sugar, milk, and liquid to keep me on the border of hungry when I can't be bothered preparing food.

I have been drinking a lot more water though!  I have stepped back from requiring myself to only using a water bottle when away from home, and have allowed myself to buy bottled water.

For now, meeting my water needs is more important.

Especially since I am now 'having fun' at least once a day, bouncing on the trampoline with the kids.  I need all the hydration I can get!

I am wondering what my next challenge will be!

Alcohol free

Caffeine free

Daily fun with kids

Drink more water...

I think I better throw in some housework in there too!

Building!

I've gotten through the week resisting the urge to have a few drinks!

Why?

1. Calories!  Completely unnecessary calories!

2. Chemical shitstorm!  I drink pre-mixed cans, bourbon and cola - alcohol plus all the additives, preservatives, colours, and sugar that goes with the "cola" label!

3. Caffeine!  That goes with the "cola" as well.

4. The hangover.  No explanation necessary!

5. Fatigue!  I usually end up staying up late and while I may fall asleep quicker, the quality of the sleep is just plan crappy.

6. The hangover and fatigue make me a crap parent.. Seriously, who can play with active boys, cook, shop, think.. With a hangover!  And lots not forget the short temper and low tolerance to noise!

7.  Poor example!  It's not fair for my kids to see me drunk, swearing, making poor choices, being stupid.  How can they respect that?

8.  It would be fine if I could have just one, but I can't.  I keep drinking until I crash.

9. And 10.  Why drink?  What does it do for me other then give me temporary relief from my own sense of good judgement.  Fair enough my brain is pretty hard on me - anxiety and depression, catastrophic thinking, social phobia - but it all just comes crashing back even worse just when my defences are downed by the hangover!

I think, as an adult society, we've forgotten how to have fun and relax without alcohol being involved.  You know what is fun though?  Playing 'kick the ball' on the trampoline with my gorgeous son!  I could only go a few minutes before being exhausted, but I laughed, screamed, and had a ball!

Instructions:  take one netted trampoline, put in an exercise ball, attempt to kick the ball to each other. I  am still not sure if the goal is to try to knock the other person out, kick the ball over the net, or fall on your arse trying to kick a rapidly moving large ball!

If you don't have an exercise ball, use two smaller balls, but instead of trying to kick the balls, you have to avoid them.  Four touches and you're out, winner is the one who lasts the longest.

The most important part of the game... Once exhausted, lie on your back and look up, if it's the middle of the day it might be too bright so just bask in the outside warmth for a few minutes!

Where to start?

When I think of happiness, I think of simple things... Fresh air, sunlight, water, communing with nature, and doing nothing but being.

And when I think about what my body needs, it's about the same!  

We need fresh air, filtered by plants not machines, free from dust and moulds that inhabitate our homes and offices.  

We need sunlight which regulates our body clocks to feel happy during the day and sleepy at night, and allows us to make vitamin D!  

We need water!  Dehydration is state a lot of us are used to and we don't realise just how it is affecting us because we don't know any different!  Water is life!

We need natural sources of food, not processed foods.  To get the vitamins and minerals we need, fibre, proteins (to get those all important amino acids which not only build muscle but build our hormones as well).

And then there are our thoughts.  Meditation is something that should be a natural state for us, most of our most pure moments of happiness involve reaching a meditative state - staring at a beautiful view, listening to the crash of waves as they hit the shore.  Our minds a blank slate - peaceful and content.

Are these things not obvious?

Do we need science with structured evidence to prove that these things are basic requirements for a good, healthy, happy, and long life residing in our bodies?

The only things missing is that we need people we love, and a purpose or mission.  This is what takes us from being to living.

On a final note, it seems, as a society, that we are getting further and further away from these elements.  We spend more time indoors, away from fresh air and sunshine, we drink less water, foods are processed and as we need to work more, we rely on processed foods to save time, and our minds are busy, constantly bombarded with advertising, computer games, and tv.

Simple.  Obvious.  Yet seemingly out of reach.

My body has crashed and burned.

I started blogging again to document my Get Commando Fit program, and although I started well, I haven't been able to keep it up.

Why?

Well, first it was a cold, that turned into tonsillitis, then I had a busy week at work, then another cold, then school holidays, and now, some random inflammation in my wrist.

I'm tired, sick, and sore.  All over!

And just because I'm awesome, the lunar eclipse played havoc with my mental state (maybe it was the school holidays too!) and I've been anxious and feeling depressed as well.

I was drinking last night and today my insides are tender and sore.

I'm a mess!

The big upside is that I've been to the doctor!  The wrist did it.  Something physically wrong with me - because, you know, the other stuff is just not 'real' enough for me.  I've now got a melatonin supplement to help me get to sleep, Diazapan as my security blanket if I get panicky, and I had an x-Ray done on my wrist.  An ultrasound is booked for next week.

What has become clear though, is that I need this.

I need to change how I eat, I need to look after and move my body, and I need to lead my family into a healthier life.

And I think I need to accept the fact that what I am eating (and drinking, and smoking) is affecting my body right now.

Not some distant 'increased risk of heart disease, diabetes, lung cancer, etc', but the right now risk of 'I feel like shit and can barely function'.

I'm broken.

I can either sit back and accept it as my due, continuing on the path of self destruction, or can I can make a change.

So change it is!

Thermomix: After the Demo

What happens when the consultant goes home and you are left alone with this wonderful machine for the first time ever?

Well, personally, I was stuffed!  An early start, hectic morning, and a LOT of food had be hanging for some nap time!

I had to cook something though!  I flipped through the cookbook (the chip is great for while your cooking but the cookbook cannot be replaced!) looking for something we had the ingredients for - something yummy, and something nutritious for dinner.

I am a firm believer in 'start as you wish to continue' so I was looking for fast and easy - something that would suit my cooking style (minimalist!).

For the yummy I found a flourless almond cake with chocolate ganache (it has some fancy name in the cookbook!) so I started with that.  Really easy and quick to whip up the cake mix and into the oven it went. 

Then I started dinner - Mongolian Lamb Hot Pot!  I didn't have all the ingredients and I swapped a few things (I used red Thai curry paste instead of sambal oelek for example).  Once it was done, I popped it in the thermosaver, and did the rice and veggies.  An extra 20 mins, but I was quite surprised that the meat stayed super hot in the thermosaver for that time!  

The kids and husband were very happy with this dinner though I'm not a fan of having to do two lots of cooking (one for the meat and sauce, one for rice and veggies).  I think a second machine would be very handy!  The fact that both were easy as to set up and walk away cushioned the blow, but this might be a weekend recipe or one where I tag team with the husband so I can do stuff once I set up the first half of the meal!  It is still a tonne better then standing in front of a stove for an hour!


I finished the ganache after dinner.

I stumbled across my first issue - can you have two guided recipes going at once?  Answer is no.  You can do other stuff and go back to a guided recipe with the 'place' saved, but not another guided recipe.  All good though as the chocolate ganache is a recipe by itself.  I know that you can skip ingredients but I am not sure if you can skip past the cooking elements of the recipe.  I shall be checking with my consultant on that one (or try it out myself and see what happens!).

Thermomix: The Demo!

Timmy (the Thermomix TM5) arrived on Sunday morning amidst a flurry of activity!  The early hour meant a quick trip to Woolies before the demo, and we had had a 'cleaning emergency' prior to our most lovely consultant arriving!

I was rather excited to say the least!

Unboxing revealed a much bigger machine then I had expected.  I feel rather blessed that I have a largish kitchen with a lovely big breakfast bar which is now Timmy's permanent home.

The touch screen is also larger then I had thought making it the perfect size for kiddie fingers to help out, and also big man fingers for husbands to take control of the cooking!  This is fabulous given my husband is the cook in the family!

First lesson was that we need to switch the machine off properly before turning it off at the wall!

On to the Vegetable Stock using guided cooking.  Easy peasy!  Throw stuff in, weighing as you go.  You don't have to follow the recipe exactly - you can skip ingredients and add extra - but watch the basics as the salt ratio is important for how long it will last!

We made a mango sorbet (Fruity Dream) which was so wonderful I would have bought a Thermomix on the spot if I didn't already have one!  Leftovers are in the freezer to re-whip for dessert on another night.

I should add at this point that you should be starving when the demo begins - seriously!  I luckily hadn't had breakfast yet and I am so glad as I was stuffed by the end!   So stuffed it was at least 4hrs before I had a play with Timmy by myself for dinner!

We made a mushroom risotto.  Not my favourite idea but it was delicious!  I'm not a 'fancy' cook so no wine was added but the flavours thanks to the veggie stock were amazing!  We put away three serves for my husbands lunches during the week!

My husband took control for the custard using automated cooking.  These are the recipes where you put everything in at the start and the program changes temperature and speed on its own.  So my husband set it up and pressed start.  "Is that it?", yes!  He was won over there and then, and again when he tasted it!

We had prepped the bread rolls earlier, the dough left to rise, and they were popped in the oven while we were doing other things.  The bread rolls were gorgeous!  Better hot and fresh so any leftovers will be ground up to breadcrumbs!

We were taken through the cleaning process and given lots of tips and tricks along the way.  I can understand why they insist on the demo/ direct selling model as it really helps you get more out of the machine!

Some tips for the demo:

* have your dishwasher and sink empty and clean ready to use.
* have a large area ready to do the demo, a chopping board, and veggie waste bin on hand.
* have some bowls and cutlery ready for serving and storage jars and containers on hand for leftovers (though there may not be any!)
* be hungry!
* if you want to store the veroma and other bits and pieces out of sight, have a large area of cupboard space ready to go!

I'm writing this a few days after getting Timmy so I've used it quite a bit (more posts to come!) but I thought I would add some of the things I have learnt about the Thermomix since he arrived!

Some notes about what I didn't expect:
* I didn't expect it to be so big! No tape measure but about 50cm squared is the amount of bench space you will need so it's not crowded, plus more in height for the veroma.
* Noise.  Generally it is quiet at the lower speeds (quieter then my old dishwasher!), but speed 9 you can barely hear your own voice!  Luckily you only ever use high speeds for short amounts of time, and it isn't so bad if you slowly turn the dial up!  There will be no midnight milling around here!
* The Thermosaver - I thought it was just a pot, but it is insulated and it holds the temperature really well!  It is so worth having a few friends pop along to your delivery demo (note: if you have school age kids, finding someone free in the middle of school holidays at 9am on a Sunday morning is not easy!)
*How fast it is. Where I might spend 20- 30mins standing at a stove stirring, it is only about 10mins in the Thermomix.  It heats quickly and evenly and although it doesn't fry as such, you can still do fantastic tasting meat recipes - better then a slow cooker!
* Weighing things in.  I honestly thought that was a bit dodge, besides I have scales and can use measuring cups and spoons, and what if you go over?  But seeing it in real life and using it, it is so much easier - no dirty cups and spoons to rinse out and wash between use, and its easy to slow it down before the end and get fairly accurate.  It also makes it easier when you are making up recipes - just weigh as you throw it in and you can record of how much you put in for next time.
* Guided Cooking.  I was worried that I wouldn't be able to adjust recipes and that it would be rigid in the amounts.  Well, it's not.  You can add extra ingredients, skip past ones you don't need.  I still need to work out if I can skip past blending and heating type steps though!
* Cleaning.  I thought the whole self cleaning thing was too good to be true and having used a blender before, it is about par with that.  Throw in some water and mix on high speed when you are done.  But, it is really easy to clean up in the sink and the scrubbing brush that comes with it is the bomb!  The biggest mess I've made is with chocolate ganache (think melted chocolate) and it cleaned up in about 5 seconds (after making chocolate milk in the chocolaty bowl!).


All up, we got off to a great start with the whole family very positive that Timmy will fit in well with our family and make life a lot easier!

Change is here!

I picked up some mason jars today - smaller sized ones. 

Yogurt, jelly, jam, dressings, and other items I plan to make will fit nicely in these! 

It's all part of my big lifestyle change!  One thing at a time, small changes, and waiting until one habit is properly ingrained before moving on to the next!

But where is this change leading?

Here is a list of things I want to be easy and stress free in my life!

Money - the big one!  That's the one everyone stresses about no matter what you're income.  It seems to me that the more money I get, the harder it is to manage.  I have so many random bills now that I never used to have.  From cable tv to gym memberships, to online subscriptions and, of course, the mobile phones!  I think it's time to review what I'm spending my hard-earned money on, and if it is worth it.  Do I really need a meal planner to write up my shopping list?  Is it really easier, or am I justifying a 'new toy' to feed my ego? All my bills need to get this level of scrutiny!

Food - surprisingly this isn't just about what I get at the grocery store.  It's what I can grow in my garden, removing chemicals from my diet, do I want to go full organic?  Can I fit that in my budget?  What about the ethics of the food I eat?  Do I buy eggs based on money, or ethics, or do I sacrifice time to get my own chickens?  How much of this lifestyle could I embrace? 

Health - And then there is the 'fat' issue.  I will admit right here and now that I am not fat.  Borderline overweight? Yes!  At risk due to abdominal fat?  Yes!  Unhappy about how much fat I have on my body?  Yes!  But is fat really the issue?  No!  The issue is the food I eat is making me tired, sick, and unhappy - literally!  It is affecting my mental health and my physical health (really, you can't affect one without affecting the other!).

Resources -  I use a lot of resources.  We try to recycle but I have a lazy family (that includes me, admittedly).  Our power bill is shockingly high, we waste a lot of food, we waste a lot of everything!  I have always thought of myself a bit of a greenie, but the reality of my life is not in any way sustainable.  I even throw our green waste in the wheelie bin!

Me - Yup, I get a category all to myself.  I need, for my mental health, ego, etc, to finish my PhD.  I need to get my confidence back and get that agoraphobia monkey off my back.  It's time to start living again, achieving my goals, and feeling good about who I am!


I've committed to a few things of late.  First is the Commando program.  Not going well!  I have been sick, or had major work commitments the last 3 weeks.  Second is my PhD - I need to get with a full-time program to finish on time.  No more 'optional' box (and yet here I am at home instead of uni!).  to meet this, we bought a new car so that both my husband and I can pick up the kids.  And lastly, I bought a Thermomix!  I don't get it for a few weeks yet, but when I do, I'm changing our food completely!

One thing that I read consistently, is that big changes mean big crash!  Small changes are the way to go.  But I want those changes to count!  I NEED a calm, easy routine to work within.  One that meets all my goals.  One that is kind to me, my family, and fits my lifestyle.

Week Two Tuesday - Morning

Change.

It is scary.

It is hard.

We all want it, but sometimes it just feels impossible.

But it's coming.  I need it so bad.

The thing is, it's not the big things that I need to change.  It's not the outside things I need to change.

It's the thing that is happening right now.  I need to go to work.  I stayed up late.  I'm tired.  I have my excuse.  I should go shopping instead.  I should pop in to buy new school shirts.  I should do this.  I should do that.  I should do anything but my PhD work.

And when I get home and its time to workout and cook dinner.  I'm tired.  I'm sick.  I have my excuse.  Let's get take out instead.  I'll just watch this tv show first.  I don't have one of the ingredients.  The husband thinks it is too hard to cook from a recipe.  I'll do it tomorrow.

So today.. will I go to work and get my work done?  Will I come home and exercise and cook dinner?  Can I?  Will I?

Week Two Sunday

This week was hard.

Not the plan itself, but I was out of routine with work (think 10/12 hr days!).  Monday and Tuesday were actually pretty good.  The rest of the week wasn't - I forgot to prep my cereal the night before; my frozen meals weren't cooked properly; I wasn't here to cook dinner so husband just bought take-away, I 'didn't have time' to make my lunch.

So I need to rethink a few things. 

I normally have a quick omelette for breakfast.

2 eggs
butter in pan (5g)
feta  (20g)
greens (peas 20g)
sweet potato fritter (20g)
herbs
spice paste.

I could add a sweet potato fritter and maybe a roasted half tomato - or even left over veggies from last night.

Then have the option to add ham, chicken, proscuito or bacon.

But how do I make this fit the plan!  I've looked through the recipes to find the closest one but honestly, that's just confused me!

So I'm going to use the 'make your own' option!  Actually, I'm just going make up my breakfast and see how it fits!

Things to remember.. coffee/ tea counts as a carb (milk and sugar) so I'm going for 2 units of carbs, 3 of protein and 3 of fat. 

I've got, less then 2 units of carbs (the sweet potato is about one unit, peas about half), 4 units of fat (that butter adds up fast) and two of protein.  Less fat, more protein!  Feta is gone, ricotta or cottage cheese is in, and maybe some left over quinoa if I have it and heavy on the vegies.

The big question though, is do I really want this for breakfast everyday?  I did find the muesli okay, it comes down to remembering to add the liquid each night, and having some yogurt, berries and apples ready to add.

Snacks I need quick and easy.  The curried egg or ham and tomato on a rice cake is easy enough for one snack.  Other snack I will make yogurt, fruit, and nuts.  Easy Peasy.

Lunches are always problematic.  I think I just need one lunch for now to have each day.  Something quick and easy to make up in the morning - the Cheat Ceasar Salad.  The only problem is the lack of a microwave at work at the morning!  I really liked the carrot salad I had last week.. I could do that for two days and I will check out the other salads and maybe have a wrap.

Dinners I am just picking ones I had planned last week as that will be easier.

So that is meal planning!  I am tired and sick, it's not done properly, but it will do.  Better done imperfectly then not done because it wasn't perfect! Keep it simple!

Week Two Monday

The picture is a wee bit blurry.. Didn't have time to get the DSLR out!

The day started off well, had the Bircher muesli for breakfast (not too bad!), the choc brownie for morning tea with a cup of tea, that huge monstrosity in the picture for munch (delicious!) and then around 4pm I had curried egg on a rice cake, and went for my run..

So proud of myself.. I ran the whole 2.5km!  

I've been doing run/walks for ages trying to 'get back into it' but a little shove was all I needed.

It all went to crap after that.. I made cauliflower rice (yum) and reheated the chicken cattitorie, only to find there was still a bit pink.  It crossed my germ-phobe line even though I cooked it more in the frypan.  The teenage man-child was more then happy to chow down!

We did have a quiche cooking for the family anyway but I had to leave for a school concert just as it was coming out the oven (cue Choc Brownie to get me through!).  I had a smallish piece of quiche when I got home, and a sliver of Apple pie that the teenage man child had made at school (mandatory as parent of said child!).

I am not upset or disappointed even.. It didn't really 'go to crap', and I am super impressed with myself for actually taking lunch and eating it, and it was something new as well!

I haven't prepped my muesli for the morning but will do eggs instead.. Much too tired tonight!

Week One Sunday

What a week!

This week has been about "Fundamentals": getting to know the website, trying out recipes and stocking the freezer, and learning the basic exercises that make up the workouts.  There is a lot of information in videos and articles about nutrition, how the program is set up, what you need to have access to, and how to get the most out of the program.

I have to say, this week has also been about finding glitches!  I feel for the technical staff behind the scenes who have also had many 'suggestions' for improvement.  

I've bypassed the meal planning feature on the site as I want to store the recipes and have access to meal planning beyond this program.  I use a site called "Plan to Eat".  It's not free, but hardly expensive.

I've had a pretty full on day, beginning with budgeting, finishing my meal plan, doing the shopping, prepping lunches for the week, doing my fitness test and benchmark workout, and then some more prepping after dinner!

I also did three loads of washing!

I should have some exciting news over the next two weeks.  So excited!

Week One: Wednesday

Excited much!?!

I've got a pretty good set-up going with my home gym now, as well as a gym membership.

Meal plans come out tomorrow.  The recipes so far have looked awesome, and the ones I have cooked have all been really great!  Huge servings for the meals, and great tasting snacks!

Today was good, got out for a run/walk for a total of over 15000 steps for the day.

Food wise not so great.  I had no electricity at home so although I had a good breakfast (eggs, spinach, feta), I had a grilled chicken burger from McDonalds for lunch.  I had 3 cups of tea over the day, 5 spring rolls for dinner (homemade, not cooked in oil), and then a handful of flavoured chips for dessert.  I just had a hot chocolate, and a small tin of baked beans.

Not so great but not horrendous either!

My brain is getting ahead of itself with super plans to do the GCF workout in the morning, running in the afternoon.  That is so not going to work, but it wouldn't hurt to do it occasionally.

I guess I've just realised the time-frame and to get to my ideal weight by my 40th I have to hit a kg per week of weight loss, as well as getting a bit of muscle in the process.  A little unrealistic!  6-10kg would be a fantastic result and I'm hoping for 14kg? 

No matter how much I say I want to be healthy, fact is, I want to look good AND be healthy!

But I do know that numbers mean very little in the real world.  I am going to stick to the plan.  Get as active as possible, eat to the plan, meet my other commitments, get enough sleep, and take time out to relax and de-stress.

I can do this!

Speaking of which.. I need to go to bed!

Week One Tuesday

I was going to start this post with, "I've been a bit slack today, no exercise and take-out for dinner.", but I changed my mind.

I did stay up too late last night.. It was midnight by the time I fell asleep.  No excuses, I stayed up watching a hilarious movie and loved every minute of it.

Until I woke up tired.

Until I realised the kids used the last of the milk for cereal so I couldn't even have a cup of tea!

I had a great breakfast though, spinach and feta in scrambled eggs.

I put in a solid four hours in the lab, even if half of it was a huge fail!

I had a great lunch.. The chicken cattitorie recipe (no cauliflower rice though).

Then I organised school stuff for my eldest, picked up the younger boys, did half an hour of chores, went to school interview for eldest, and sent hubby out for takeout for dinner.

We cleaned up afterward, and I watched a couple of tv shows.

I watched the video for GCF for today - all stuff I've done before and don't have any technical issues with.

While I am enjoying a hot chocolate drink right now, I'm thinking it might be my last for while.  I want to get out of the habit of milky drinks.  So I guess I'm up for a good nights sleep!

Oh, and I'm going okay on the patches still.  Down to level two which I think is a good place right now. I'm still battling that thing in my head that says, "I'm tired, just have one and I'll feel better".  There is always that part of my psyche that wants to stays the same, wants me to relax, to just be me, to take the easy way because I don't need to change.  

I don't need to change, but I want to, because that is who I am!  I'm not changing me, just what I do!

Week One

Not quite the 'lift off' I was expecting!

But that is probably a good thing - fundamentals are important.

Like the squat.  I have discovered today that my squats, which have never been good, are now really bad!  My flexibility is horrendous!

No where near parallel, too much butt, and my back is certainly not upright!

I've looked up some flexibility exercises for my ankles, hamstrings, glutes, hip flexors, and lower back.  Lots of gentle stretching this week, as well as squating, and I hope to see some improvement. 

I do worry that as the week continues it will only highlight more issues in flexibility.

So this week I move, I move often and with vigour.

4 days to go!

Thought I would do something different today!

My Day:

6am Wake up
Weigh in at 63.7kg
Shower and Dress
empty bins and take out washing from bathroom
put on load of washing
Make kids breakfast and my cup of tea
Sit on computer for facebook check and start writing this post
Take quick notes on what I need to do today.
Make lunches for kids
empty dishwasher
stack dishwasher
empty dishrack
clean sink
wipe benches
sweep floor
sign permission notes and rsvp invitations
hang out washing and put on second load
collect kids and drive to school (8:15am)
pay bills, medicare claims
handyman arrived to fix stuff
Grabbed a cup of tea and chocolate muffin for breakfast
Work on paper
 * check edits from supervisor
 * add in references
Hang out washing - bring in two loads (folded)
Pack up and head into uni (10am) - put fitbit on (it was charging)
Turn on UV light
Optimise PCR for primer dimers
send off approved ordering
set up PCR and gel tank (11am)
ran down to grab a small serve of fried rice and honey chicken and water..11:30am to 11:45 for lunch and facebook time!
check supervisor meeting notes and go over anything I missed
continue on with Paper
run gel and take picture
print out research papers to read tonight
do emails
pick up autoclaving
more on paper
go pick up kids (2:45)
get home, put dishwasher on,
download tv shows
cup of tea and rest for three hours watching tv until dinner!!  Yey!

Downed half a block of chocolate and tuna pasta bake for dinner while watching two double episodes of Extant!

Make kids beds

Fill washing machine  - sheets

Empty dishwasher

Stack dishwasher

Clean sink
Wipe benches

Read goodnight story to kids

Relax for a bit and publish this post...

Hang out sheets, put on next load of washing

Check alarm is set

Read my romance novel

Go to bed...

5 Days to go!

We are getting so close!  Check out the GCF Shop - I got the email last night and it looks pretty exciting!  I sure do hope I don't have to buy all that stuff though!

I am so tired right now!  I've been setting the alarm earlier and earlier this week in the hopes of getting up early enough to hit the gym before I start my day.  I think it might be a lost cause though, I'm much better at afternoon exercise so 6:30am will be it for early days!!  That gives me enough time to prep properly for the day, go to uni, pick up kids, exercise, dinner, clean, bed!

I'm pretty sure we get some plans open up tomorrow.. though I'm not sure if we get plans for the first week or not.  Will have to wait and see!  Excited!

Posting this one late!  I thought I published it last night.. yet here I am at 7am in the morning posting it!  Kind of funny really - given I woke at 6am this morning!  No alarm!  After saying that 6:30am is as early as I wanted to wake up!

6 days to go!

I am totally over being sick. 

No more complaining as of now! 

No more excuses as of now!

The time is getting closer and two weeks of this chest cold has thwarted my goals long enough!  I'm getting better, slowly, and although even moderate exercise is out of the question, some light exercise would do me good!  I'm pretty sure the pizza and coke for dinner, even though it did save washing up and the energy expenditure from cooking, was not 'immune boosting'. 

No more interruptions. 

Day 20: Still sick!

Before



After

I still have this chesty cough thing going on.  Somehow it means I must eat things like roast chicken and gravy rolls, chocolate, and whatever I can get my hands on! 

Still, I felt healthy enough to attack the garden some more this weekend.  While Dave cleared out behind the shed, I went for the next segment down the side.  There is still another 'half' of this garden along this side of the fence but that will be a full weekend mission for when I am feeling better!

I spent almost $50 on plants - and yes I am renting, but it is worth it to have it pretty while I am here!

 

 

Getting back on topic though.. I am not weighing in today.  The fact is, being sick, I have reverted very easily back to bad habits.  Excuses have amplified.. I can't get to the shop, I'm too tired to cook, blah, blah.   I am having herbal teas and getting plenty of sleep though!

Day 17

I can speak.. Sometimes a whole sentence before I start coughing.

Knee deep in tissues, I am wading through a houseful of the lurgy, the kids, the hubby, and me..

Day 16 of Prep: Goal Setting

What a couple of days I've had! But the sun is starting to come out and play so there is no stifling my happiness!

I've been both sick and busy!  I've gotten in rest where I could, but still had a few commitments which were just necessary! 

There was a GCF email sent out today.. the goals tab is open!  It allows us to enter goals with a picture and quote with them, and under the 'goal board' is a space to enter in personal diary entries.  I've set up my first goal with an image but I want to take my time with the others to make sure the images I use are motivating and not self defeating.  Here's a nice positive one of me at a really healthy weight and still having enough fun to joke about food!

I've been thinking about what I can do set myself up even more for success. 

I think there are a lot of people who can relate, but I need to cut down on my social media use!  No more games either!  They are such time-wasters!  If I want to waste time there are better things I could be doing!  Like napping! 

I will be doing my fitness tests this weekend I think.  I should be past this chest infection by then.. fingers crossed!

Day 13 of Prep: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly!

Let's start with the good, on what I shall call Black Sunday!

Lunch.. baked salmon!  Unbelievably easy - a quick 5mins to blend breadcrumbs, basil, parmesan cheese, and some olive oil - coat over the salmon pieces and bake for 30mins!  I did have plans to do an awesome 'just baked' picture using my newly found photography skills however the children smelt it as soon as I took it out of the oven and had helped themselves before I had a chance to grab my camera!  This was the little bit that was left for me!

I spent the day attacking my pile of photographs that I have collected over my 20 adult years (complete with a few stolen from Mum's albums!) and a made a bit of headway with 50 photos uploaded, edited, and details added.  Only a thousand odd left to go!

Yeah, I was a cutie!

The bad.. no weight loss this week.. 64kg so there is a slight increase.  I will blame two nights of alcohol, and a huge excess of carbs in the preceding two days!  Planning is important!

The ugly.. I smoked a few cigarettes!  Blargh!  After getting in twelve good days of not smoking, a bit of alcohol last night was enough to crush my willpower.  Back on the patches tomorrow and a stern lecture to my hubby about how he wants to quit as well!  It's not like I enjoy it, or even get any satisfaction from it!  It's just laziness and boredom and addiction. 

Tomorrow is going to be a challenge and the whole week has the potential to crash and burn on me with the whole family having throat infections and sniffly noses.  I will find solutions, not excuses!  I want to get this whole planning and commitment thing down pat before the program starts (in two weeks!  EEEk!).

I'm totally rocking it already - a few lessons learnt (which are better learnt now then during the program!) and quite a few successes under my belt!

Day 12 of Prep

Last few days have been a bit up and down.  I had take out, a few drinks, and skipped my run last night as it was teaming down rain!

Planning is the problem!  I need to have meals planned, quick snacks prepared for on the run, and just a sense of control really!

So today I spent an hour adding in some recipes to Plan To Eat and doing my meal plan!  I took Dave shopping with me so the bill ended up huge, but I'm sure we have enough food for a couple of weeks!

I was totally drained when I got home from shopping and went for a quick rest - I fell asleep for 2hrs!

There goes the dinner and cook-up plan!  

But wait!  At 6pm I started my cook up with feta and pea quiches (from Taste), and with the extras I have another 8 bacon and cheese mini quiches for the kids!  I prepped up spring rolls too (garlic, chicken mince, stir in sweet chilli and soy sauce, add to grated carrots and grated baby cabbage, wrap in spring roll sheets) and asked Dave to cook one to make sure they taste okay - next thing you know they are all cooked and eaten!  I guess that was dinner!  

Crumbed salmon for lunch tomorrow!

Day 9 of Prep

Balance is one of the hardest things for me - sometimes I feel like I'm juggling a hundred things while walking a tightrope where I go backwards instead of forwards!

Just living a full and healthy life seems like hard work, and then there is actual work on top of that!  Not that I'm complaining.  I am extremely lucky to live in a time and place where education is accessible and flexible!  And even more so that I have been able to get a scholarship to do my PhD!  I love my work, I love being in the lab and running experiments!  My biggest hardships are finding the hours, and containing my enthusiasm for a wide variety of interests... Yes, focus is an issue for me!  I want to do everything right now.. I'm an ideas person!

Yes.. Focus!  I spent today in the lab, and as a result have a massive step count of over 17000!  And I took in and ate my lunch!  And I went for a run!  A totally awesome and wicked day all round!

Day 8 of Prep

Took the day off.  Nothing achieved except relaxation!

:)

Day 7 of Prep! Three weeks to Kick Off

Growing some herbs and spinach!

I love Mondays!  A whole perfect unblemished week ahead of me! 

I finished off today by planting up a few herbs (rosemary, oregano, and parsley) and some spinach to start my "Veggie Patch".

And I had a parcel waiting for me when I got home! 

My Tea Tonic order arrived! 

I love their teas and stick to this place because their relaxation tea is the only one that has everything I want in it! And they have chocolate tea!  The teas are organic and a naturopath creates the different tea formulations!  And I always get a few freebie samples in the box!

I have a GLEW (Ginger, Lemongrass, Echinacea, White Tea) tea steeping right now!

These are to help curb my coffee habit that I've developed over the last year - previous to that I had gone 14 years without coffee, and had only been drinking tea again for 3 years.

This week I am trying to get into the habit of packing lunches and snacks for work.  I have tried before and got caught up in the perfectionism and tried to count calories and have awesome photo worthy deliciousness packed each day.  How could that possibly fail?

Instead, I am now packing whatever I can get my hands on!  Today was some rice crackers, chicken with lettuce, and a mandarin.  The lettuce got frozen by the fridge at work.  Not a great start - but a good start as I didn't buy my lunch!  I'm only at work for school hours so only need one snack and a decent lunch, and water.

Once the program starts I can get some prep work done and have a plan for the week for what to take for lunches.

Last night:
I hit the chocolate icecream!  It was quite yummy! :)  And then I was up at 3am and had a muffin to tame a grumbly tummy!
Sleep:  2am bedtime (reading!) up at 6:45am.  I'm trying to get myself up earlier in the morning so I can start morning training once I hit a 6am start time!  An earlier bedtime might help!
Today:
Breakfast was half a coffee (don't seem to need it anymore) and some pumpkin, ricotta and spinach frittata.  Cam ate a fair bit of it, which was just as well because it was a huge serving for my little tummy (which is very unused to breakfast!)
Snack: flavoured rice crackers
Lunch: 100g chicken breast (from leftovers)
Afternoon Snack: Cuppicino - had one of those satchels left and thought I would get rid of it - dash of milk, no sugar.

Day 6 of Prep

I weighed in today.. under 64kg!  I lost a kilo this week and 6cm off my belly!!  That's a good sign my body is liking the changes I am making! 

I had a busy day cleaning up under the under cover area outside and then baking a delicious pumpkin, ricotta and spinach frittata for breakfasts this week!

Last night:
I ended up not having salad with my KFC, having pepsi, hot chocolate, and a peanut butter sandwich before bed. 
Went to bed really late (2am) and woke up at 8:30am
Today:
Skipped breakfast and morning tea (had two coffees)
Had two boiled eggs for lunch
Snacked in the afternoon: a handful of twisties and some flavoured rice crackers with some awesome sweet chilli cream cheese!
Hot chocolate while waiting for dinner
Roast Chook and salad for dinner
Exercise: Cleaning; Steps: over 9000

Day 5 of Prep

I am so on a roll!  This morning I hit the garden as soon as I woke up.  We have a massive yard with lots of trees - palm trees in particular!  They are horrendous for shedding leaves and quite a few of them are very tall, so tall we can't reach to remove dead leaves.

And if the palm trees aren't tall, they are clumping!  See those two small palms near the shed (right side).  We got a full load of green-waste from that today!  We also removed a rather large bush growing behind it which was blocking our access to behind the shed.

You might also notice that at the base of the washing line we now have a large green pot and pot stand so I can grow some herbs and leafy vegies this spring! 

And I love that we are starting to see the grass greening up a bit - even though it will mean mowing the lawn very soon!

I am looking forward to summer this year!  I turn 40yo!  Our yard will be in great shape as it warms up with the amount of shade drastically reduced in the yard itself, while not affecting the shade for the house and entertainment area.  We should be able to have some nice BBQ dinners outdoors by spring time!

I'm excited to think that I will be in shape too.  We have a public swimming pool just down the road from us and I am looking at purchasing a season pass for the family so we can go down of an afternoon to cool off after school and work!  It will be so nice to feel confident in my swimmers, even if I don't have a 'perfect figure'! 

Last night:
had a peanut butter sandwich before bed.
Bad case of restless legs (but then remembered I still had my patch on)
Stayed up late (2am), woke up around 9am
Today:
Skipped breakfast and morning tea but had two coffees
lunch was bacon and eggs
afternoon tea I had flaxseed crackers and salmon
dinner: having a treat meal!  KFC and salad with icecream for dessert.
Exercise:  gardening, steps: 10000.

Day Four of Prep!

It's already quite exciting - I'm seeing changes just from taking advantage of the little bit of information available already.  Sure, it might just be all in my head, but does it matter?  Feeling positive means I am more likely to keep going. I am feeling well, my tummy fat feels looser (yes, that's a good thing!  It means no bloating!), and I am bouncing with energy!

I'm looking ahead now and with most of the month still ahead of me before the program begins, I am torn apart with anticipation!  Okay, so maybe I used a little creative licence there!  But I am super keen to get started! 

I am mapping out my time instead of just waiting around!  I signed up exactly 4 weeks prior to the program start date of September first, and my Day 1 of Prep began the next day - so 27 days of preparation before I begin with four of those days done already!

I weighed in at just under 65kg the day before I signed up and I will weigh in again on Sunday.  If I do that each Sunday then I will be able to see just how much I lost while preparing for the program!  Five kilograms would be awesome, but realistically, if I get down to 63kg then I am on track for losing weight in a healthy way!

My main focus is just working my meal planning and recipes into my weekly schedule without stressing out about it!  Results for me is lasting healthy changes in my diet, not weight loss in itself. 

It will be interesting to see the set-up for the meal planning in the GCF program, but I will still need to adapt it onto my lifestyle once the program ends.  I use an online program called 'Plan to Eat' to keep my recipes and meal plan for the week.  It has been great to use and is certainly helping but it will take a bit of extra work to integrate the GCF meals into it.  But I'm getting ahead of myself!  No need to worry about that until the meal plans come out so I can see how they work!

For now I am winging it!   Trying out the recipes (like the Shepards Pie using cauliflower mash) to see what I like and how my body reacts to the new food.

I am going into this with a strong directive of making it work for me, not just blindly follow the program to get some transformation photo at the end.

Last night:

I was really hungry just before bed so had a peanut butter sandwich and a glass of milk

Bedtime was about 11pm, 7am wake up

Today:

One egg, prosciutto, spinach and feta

Cup of coffee 

Lunch was leftover T-bone, with the Ceasar salad, I added a bit of feta to that as well.

I had two pieces of the flaxseed crackers and two bliss balls

Shepards pie for dinner
Water: not quite a litre

Steps: 9000

Notes: I was starving most of the day after skipping morning tea, and having afternoon tea so late.  Oddly, I still felt okay, not weak and panicky like usual!

Day 3 of Preparation

Looks good right?  My dinner for tonight!  

Another day off today as I fight off the remnants of this head cold, so I spent the day cleaning, with a bit more cleaning on top of that!  Why?  Because I have a cleaner coming tomorrow morning!  Yes, seriously!  If I want the floors vacuumed and mopped then I need to be able to see said floors first!  

It's all part of preparing for this program.  I don't want to be worried about keeping up with the housework, and I need to reduce my stress levels! 

I am very happy to report that my husband is fully on board and keen to start cleaning up his diet (said while he was eating tomato flavoured crisps!).  He is thinking along the lines of more vegetables, more protein, and less processed food - exactly what we should be getting from the GCF program!  Given that he is usually the person who cooks dinner, this is fantastic news!

A little on my husband:  He is 41yo, 177cm and weighs in around 67kg, this hasn't changed much in the whole time I've known him!  He has naturally low body fat, and builds muscle easily.  His work environment isn't condusive to over-eating, and he finds it quite easy to make changes when he is motivated.  He started setting up a home gym three weeks and has done strength training every second day consistently since.  I am quite proud do him!

He will be quitting smoking tomorrow - he did quit two weeks ago but because I was still smoking, and he had pre-quit patches rather than full strength, he didn't last too long!  Now that I have quit as well, it should be much easier going for both of us!

I am feeling quite healthy even though I am sick.  I don't seem to have any issue with not having  refined grains though I did have two pieces of bread and the muffin yesterday!  And the extra water is always good!  No medication required tonight so hopefully no restless legs keeping me up!

From yesterday:

I snuck in a chocolate muffin before bed!

Sleep: 11:30pm to 7:00 am (restless legs)

Today:

2 coffees

Eggs with spinich and feta

Piece of chocolate

Salmon, egg, with salad and ACV dressing

2 choc Brownies, cup of tea (2 normal sugars and milk)

Half a T-bone steak, cup of veggies and three small potatoes.

Water: 1L

Steps: over 14000.

Day 2 of Preparation!

It's not the healthiest refridgerator, but it's clean!

My cold is still in full force so I tackled my fridge, cleaning all the shelves, throwing out dated food, and taking note of things to use up before the challenge starts.

Having a husband and three boys to accommodate will mean that I will have other foods available, but with proper planning I can introduce the GCF meals and snacks without too much complaining from the men of the house.  They all liked the Brownies I cooked yesterday (I will have to bake up double the recipe next time) which is a good sign that the recipes will be well liked!

I quit smoking yesterday and, as usual, struggled a bit with motivation this morning.  I cannot wear the patches at night as I don't sleep as well so the morning is always the toughest.  I am feeling much better for it though, and this cold is making it a lot easier to resist any cravings.

The weather is warming up quickly during the day so I am eager to get results (results being fat loss!) so I can be comfortable in my summer wardrobe!  If all goes well I can lose a few kilos before the actual start of the program, making my goal weight of 53kg more achievable in the twelve weeks.  My current weight is 65kg, though I had been sitting at around 60kg for the last year.  My ideal is 50-55kg though I could go less given my height and frame.  But I am not expecting to lose weight that quickly.  I am in the process of making big changes to my lifestyle and it is those lifestyle changes that are my true goals, not the weight loss.  The weight loss is my motivation, and feeling healthy!

It will be great to be able to move again.  To get out of bed without rolling off the edge, to be sit comfortably on the floor and be able to get back up again!

And to have the energy to get through the day!

I like that I am starting off slowly, having a cold stops me from going all out and wearing myself out before I even start!  There is no guilt about not doing exercise yet or not getting things done perfectly, I'm doing what I can.

Food today:

Coffee with coconut sugar and a dash of milk

Two eggs with spinach and Parmesan cheese

A handful of grapes, 2 peices of 75% chocolate, and another coffee

Cheats Ceasar salad for lunch

2 small peices of the Chocolate Brownie

Morrocan Pumpkin and Chickpea Soup (le Zuppa) with 2 slices of 9 grain bread

1 piece of chocolate

Water: 1l

Exercise: nil,  just over 5000 steps.

The day after.. Day 1 of preparation for Get Commando Fit!

 I have a cold so took the day off my studies and cleaned the kitchen.

It was a much bigger job then I care to admit!  I cleared out the pantry and went shopping for some of the pantry essentials.

I made up Ceasar Salad for lunch using the recipes available already, and cooked enough chicken and eggs for today as well.  I didn't have yogurt so made up the Apple Cidar Dressing.  Afterwards I made up the chocolate Brownie Recipe as well.

My pirates are trying to figure out how to create a squad but are having some teething problems!  We've emailed to see if we can get some help!

My food for the day:

Coffee with milk and sugar

Eggs and spinach

Grapes and 2 pieces of 75% chocolate

Cheats Ceasar Salad with Apple Cidar Dressing

2 peices of Brownies

2 peices of 75% chocolate

1L water

Exercise: no specific but had over 10000 steps on the FitBit!

Get Commando Fit

Today I signed up to do a 13 week program called "Get Commando Fit".

An hour later I realise I'm coming down with a cold!  

But my measurements are done and I'm interested in seeing how I go with the high fat, high protein diet.  My biggest hurdle will be the planning.. If I can do that consistently then I can follow the plan consistently.

I wanted this for my fast approaching 40th birthday, it's now or never!

Do Megapixels Matter?

Canon EOS 1100D

Lesson One: Do MegaPixels Matter?

The first thing I noticed with this camera was that it had less megapixels then the 600D (and was lighter!). So I figured I needed to know what this meant - I knew it had something to do with how large the photos could be and maintain their sharpness (i.e. not become pixelated) so what I needed to know is would this difference affect me?  The 1100D is 12 megapixels, the 600D is 18 megapixels: is this difference important?
Online and computer viewing
Firstly,  a megapixel is one million pixels.  What is your computer's screen resolution?  Mine is currently 1366 x 780 pixels (1065480 pixels or a little over 1 megapixel).  All your computer is using to display your photo is 1 megapixel, maybe a little higher if you have a higher screen resolution.
But what about photos? 
Here is a link to a good guide on capture resolution (that is what is being measured in megapixels) and image quality. Here is the information summarised briefly:
6" x 4" prints require 2 megapixels
10" x 8" prints require 5 megapixels
14" x 11" prints require 7 megapixels
30" x 20" prints require 10+ megapixels.
Remember these are for photo quality prints, you can get decent results for the larger prints with anything above 7 megapixels.

When might you need more?
Put simply, cropping!  If you are going to crop out a third of your photo, you've also cut the number of pixels by a third.. a 6 megapixel image is suddenly a 3 megapixel image.

My decision..
Obviously as I ended up purchasing the Canon 1100D, I decided that the difference between 12 and 18 megapixels was not going to affect me.  I want to compose good photos, not crop the bejesus out of them!  Nor am I planning on massive sized prints to be entered into competitions or viewed with a close eye.  The benefits of 12 vrs 18 megapixels is to me, not a selling point for major consideration!

Fear and Choice

I've never been one to blame others, while I am sure some would disagree with that.  I do, on the surface, pretend to blame my husband for everything!  But in the quiet, while alone, I shoulder the responsibility while resenting that others don't.  I have reconsidered this when it comes to my anxiety and do acknowledge that I do not accept responsibility when it comes to the consequences - my actions- that result from my anxiety.  Heck, I dissociate 'the anxiety' from my self in that sentence even!  It's not me, it's the anxiety!

While I know that my actions caused the anxiety and that in itself is anxiety inducing, I still feel like it was out of my control - I was born anxious, the panic attack was something that happened TO me.  My body betrayed me.  Events are anxiety inducing, external forces will cause anxiety.  The only control I have is in avoiding the causes.  Yes, I can mange my manage my anxiety with deep breathing, but I can't control it occurring... 

Part of the package of being human is free will - we have self awareness, imagination, and CHOICE!  How can one event cause anxiety in one person and not the other - why does more then one event cause anxiety in a single person!  Because it is not the event or circumstance - it's the person!  I may not directly choose my anxious response, but I do choose the beliefs and concepts that lead to that anxiety!  I choose to believe that public speaking is anxiety inducing, I choose to believe that going to the movies will bring on a panic attack, I choose to avoid situations, I make many choices everyday that contribute to my anxiety.  Some knowingly, some unknowingly.

I accept that I cannot control my bodies fear response - it is a natural innate response to the environment and my perception of it.  I cannot control everything in my environment, but it can control some of it.  But mostly, I can control my perceptions.

Everything in my life right now is what I have chosen.  What needs to be to achieve what I want.  I don't love everything about my life, parts of it are hard and scary and uncomfortable, but it is the path I want to be on.  How I can I walk this path and reduce my anxiety?  What can I control?

I can control what I put in my body.

I can control when I go to bed, and when I exercise.

I can control how much effort I put into each aspect of my life.

I can control how I react to the the anxiety and how I perceive it.

I can control myself!  My thoughts, my actions.

I cannot control my bodies natural systems, I cannot control how bumpy or narrow the path that I am on is.

I can control which path I choose to be on.

I can choose to enjoy the scenery instead of constantly looking ahead for obstacles!