Fear and Choice

I've never been one to blame others, while I am sure some would disagree with that.  I do, on the surface, pretend to blame my husband for everything!  But in the quiet, while alone, I shoulder the responsibility while resenting that others don't.  I have reconsidered this when it comes to my anxiety and do acknowledge that I do not accept responsibility when it comes to the consequences - my actions- that result from my anxiety.  Heck, I dissociate 'the anxiety' from my self in that sentence even!  It's not me, it's the anxiety!

While I know that my actions caused the anxiety and that in itself is anxiety inducing, I still feel like it was out of my control - I was born anxious, the panic attack was something that happened TO me.  My body betrayed me.  Events are anxiety inducing, external forces will cause anxiety.  The only control I have is in avoiding the causes.  Yes, I can mange my manage my anxiety with deep breathing, but I can't control it occurring... 

Part of the package of being human is free will - we have self awareness, imagination, and CHOICE!  How can one event cause anxiety in one person and not the other - why does more then one event cause anxiety in a single person!  Because it is not the event or circumstance - it's the person!  I may not directly choose my anxious response, but I do choose the beliefs and concepts that lead to that anxiety!  I choose to believe that public speaking is anxiety inducing, I choose to believe that going to the movies will bring on a panic attack, I choose to avoid situations, I make many choices everyday that contribute to my anxiety.  Some knowingly, some unknowingly.

I accept that I cannot control my bodies fear response - it is a natural innate response to the environment and my perception of it.  I cannot control everything in my environment, but it can control some of it.  But mostly, I can control my perceptions.

Everything in my life right now is what I have chosen.  What needs to be to achieve what I want.  I don't love everything about my life, parts of it are hard and scary and uncomfortable, but it is the path I want to be on.  How I can I walk this path and reduce my anxiety?  What can I control?

I can control what I put in my body.

I can control when I go to bed, and when I exercise.

I can control how much effort I put into each aspect of my life.

I can control how I react to the the anxiety and how I perceive it.

I can control myself!  My thoughts, my actions.

I cannot control my bodies natural systems, I cannot control how bumpy or narrow the path that I am on is.

I can control which path I choose to be on.

I can choose to enjoy the scenery instead of constantly looking ahead for obstacles!