My body has crashed and burned.

I started blogging again to document my Get Commando Fit program, and although I started well, I haven't been able to keep it up.

Why?

Well, first it was a cold, that turned into tonsillitis, then I had a busy week at work, then another cold, then school holidays, and now, some random inflammation in my wrist.

I'm tired, sick, and sore.  All over!

And just because I'm awesome, the lunar eclipse played havoc with my mental state (maybe it was the school holidays too!) and I've been anxious and feeling depressed as well.

I was drinking last night and today my insides are tender and sore.

I'm a mess!

The big upside is that I've been to the doctor!  The wrist did it.  Something physically wrong with me - because, you know, the other stuff is just not 'real' enough for me.  I've now got a melatonin supplement to help me get to sleep, Diazapan as my security blanket if I get panicky, and I had an x-Ray done on my wrist.  An ultrasound is booked for next week.

What has become clear though, is that I need this.

I need to change how I eat, I need to look after and move my body, and I need to lead my family into a healthier life.

And I think I need to accept the fact that what I am eating (and drinking, and smoking) is affecting my body right now.

Not some distant 'increased risk of heart disease, diabetes, lung cancer, etc', but the right now risk of 'I feel like shit and can barely function'.

I'm broken.

I can either sit back and accept it as my due, continuing on the path of self destruction, or can I can make a change.

So change it is!