It's working!

I fell asleep watching tv last night.. At about 11pm.  

That NEVER happens!

No caffeine is working for me!

Start small

Start with a seed, provide it with soil, light, and water, and watch it grow!

I am still alcohol and caffeine free!  I've had a few touch and go moments with the boys having Pepsi in the house, but a little cordial curbed the 'craving'.  My sleeping is getting much better as a result, still not quite regular, but better.  Not as many late nights and I'm waking up earlier some mornings!

I attempted an iPad free day - made it until lunch time!  

It takes time for habits to take root, and I would rather permanent change and that is what I am seeing.  When I attempt to change everything at once it is inevitable that it will fail.

I've spent a bit of time on my budget and I think adapting the same approach will work there as well.  I few small changes over time will add up.  It's all moving in the right direction!

My little garden is growing!  My corn seedlings sprouted so quickly I will need to sort out somewhere for them to be planted in the garden this weekend! It won't be long until we get to eat our first non-herb produce!

I'm thinking I might try out the Bokashi bucket again while think about larger composting options. Until then I need to think about other ways to get soil and compost for gardening!

So many thoughts and ideas running though my head.  I'm excited!

Simplicity

Everything seems to be complicated, even simplicity.

I've been looking into a minimalist lifestyle, and a bit at homesteading as well.

The couple of 'how to get started' type books that I've read have been so focused on the end result, one even suggested the first thing to do was to buy a block of land!

Way to jump in the deep end!

By taking things slowly and changing things in small steps, taking the time to build habits, and to really look at what works and what doesn't, permanent lasting change is possible.  And the best part, is you get where you want to be. 

I have learnt that where we 'think' we want to be, might not actually be what we want.  Jumping in with a 100% effort, head down, ignoring your own body and mind in a quest to get something you 'want' not only doesn't work for a lot of people (who then beat themselves up about it) but can also lead you down the wrong path, and lead to the wrong place.

I know I want something different.  I know that where I want to be entails having the time to provide healthy, unprocessed food.  I know that I want to be close to family and support.  I know I want to have less 'stuff'.  I want my kids to spend less time in front of a screen, to love and appreciate life.

A homesteading lifestyle and minimalist lifestyle both appeal to me, but I can't jump in and buy a block of land and just 'start'.  There are skills I need to learn, things I need to finish, and personal work I need to do.  I pretty much have a bit over half a year to finish my Phd, and then I have to wait the school year out.  And who knows, I might hate it when it comes to actually doing it.

So start small I shall!

Along with all the small changes I am already making, I will start introducing some habits for myself, and for my children and husband, that will move us toward that lifestyle!

What's next?

I quit caffeine!

I am now alcohol and caffeine free!

I substituted Caro in place of morning coffee and have not really noticed the difference in alertness in the morning.

I have noticed that I'm not fidgety or feeling 'crawly' during the day.

My sleep is better, too.

Interestingly, I am still having several Caro drinks during the day.  I am thinking that maybe I am using it as a food substitute!  A quick hit of sugar, milk, and liquid to keep me on the border of hungry when I can't be bothered preparing food.

I have been drinking a lot more water though!  I have stepped back from requiring myself to only using a water bottle when away from home, and have allowed myself to buy bottled water.

For now, meeting my water needs is more important.

Especially since I am now 'having fun' at least once a day, bouncing on the trampoline with the kids.  I need all the hydration I can get!

I am wondering what my next challenge will be!

Alcohol free

Caffeine free

Daily fun with kids

Drink more water...

I think I better throw in some housework in there too!

Building!

I've gotten through the week resisting the urge to have a few drinks!

Why?

1. Calories!  Completely unnecessary calories!

2. Chemical shitstorm!  I drink pre-mixed cans, bourbon and cola - alcohol plus all the additives, preservatives, colours, and sugar that goes with the "cola" label!

3. Caffeine!  That goes with the "cola" as well.

4. The hangover.  No explanation necessary!

5. Fatigue!  I usually end up staying up late and while I may fall asleep quicker, the quality of the sleep is just plan crappy.

6. The hangover and fatigue make me a crap parent.. Seriously, who can play with active boys, cook, shop, think.. With a hangover!  And lots not forget the short temper and low tolerance to noise!

7.  Poor example!  It's not fair for my kids to see me drunk, swearing, making poor choices, being stupid.  How can they respect that?

8.  It would be fine if I could have just one, but I can't.  I keep drinking until I crash.

9. And 10.  Why drink?  What does it do for me other then give me temporary relief from my own sense of good judgement.  Fair enough my brain is pretty hard on me - anxiety and depression, catastrophic thinking, social phobia - but it all just comes crashing back even worse just when my defences are downed by the hangover!

I think, as an adult society, we've forgotten how to have fun and relax without alcohol being involved.  You know what is fun though?  Playing 'kick the ball' on the trampoline with my gorgeous son!  I could only go a few minutes before being exhausted, but I laughed, screamed, and had a ball!

Instructions:  take one netted trampoline, put in an exercise ball, attempt to kick the ball to each other. I  am still not sure if the goal is to try to knock the other person out, kick the ball over the net, or fall on your arse trying to kick a rapidly moving large ball!

If you don't have an exercise ball, use two smaller balls, but instead of trying to kick the balls, you have to avoid them.  Four touches and you're out, winner is the one who lasts the longest.

The most important part of the game... Once exhausted, lie on your back and look up, if it's the middle of the day it might be too bright so just bask in the outside warmth for a few minutes!

Where to start?

When I think of happiness, I think of simple things... Fresh air, sunlight, water, communing with nature, and doing nothing but being.

And when I think about what my body needs, it's about the same!  

We need fresh air, filtered by plants not machines, free from dust and moulds that inhabitate our homes and offices.  

We need sunlight which regulates our body clocks to feel happy during the day and sleepy at night, and allows us to make vitamin D!  

We need water!  Dehydration is state a lot of us are used to and we don't realise just how it is affecting us because we don't know any different!  Water is life!

We need natural sources of food, not processed foods.  To get the vitamins and minerals we need, fibre, proteins (to get those all important amino acids which not only build muscle but build our hormones as well).

And then there are our thoughts.  Meditation is something that should be a natural state for us, most of our most pure moments of happiness involve reaching a meditative state - staring at a beautiful view, listening to the crash of waves as they hit the shore.  Our minds a blank slate - peaceful and content.

Are these things not obvious?

Do we need science with structured evidence to prove that these things are basic requirements for a good, healthy, happy, and long life residing in our bodies?

The only things missing is that we need people we love, and a purpose or mission.  This is what takes us from being to living.

On a final note, it seems, as a society, that we are getting further and further away from these elements.  We spend more time indoors, away from fresh air and sunshine, we drink less water, foods are processed and as we need to work more, we rely on processed foods to save time, and our minds are busy, constantly bombarded with advertising, computer games, and tv.

Simple.  Obvious.  Yet seemingly out of reach.

My body has crashed and burned.

I started blogging again to document my Get Commando Fit program, and although I started well, I haven't been able to keep it up.

Why?

Well, first it was a cold, that turned into tonsillitis, then I had a busy week at work, then another cold, then school holidays, and now, some random inflammation in my wrist.

I'm tired, sick, and sore.  All over!

And just because I'm awesome, the lunar eclipse played havoc with my mental state (maybe it was the school holidays too!) and I've been anxious and feeling depressed as well.

I was drinking last night and today my insides are tender and sore.

I'm a mess!

The big upside is that I've been to the doctor!  The wrist did it.  Something physically wrong with me - because, you know, the other stuff is just not 'real' enough for me.  I've now got a melatonin supplement to help me get to sleep, Diazapan as my security blanket if I get panicky, and I had an x-Ray done on my wrist.  An ultrasound is booked for next week.

What has become clear though, is that I need this.

I need to change how I eat, I need to look after and move my body, and I need to lead my family into a healthier life.

And I think I need to accept the fact that what I am eating (and drinking, and smoking) is affecting my body right now.

Not some distant 'increased risk of heart disease, diabetes, lung cancer, etc', but the right now risk of 'I feel like shit and can barely function'.

I'm broken.

I can either sit back and accept it as my due, continuing on the path of self destruction, or can I can make a change.

So change it is!